Archive for category: Research

I’ve been reading this book – Choke. (Because I tend to choke at tennis, that’s why.)

But it’s got some really interesting things to say that will help your kid with test anxiety.

Researchers were studying what happens to African-Americans, for instance, who experience racism throughout their life. These students can have something called “stereotype threat,” which is where students “underperform relative to their potential merely because these students feel discouraged about their ability to succeed.”

They may underperform simply because they are aware of stereotypes about their sex, race or ethnic group that pertain to intelligence.

Researchers wanted to see if they could intervene to subvert the “racial achievement gap” in a school in the Northeastern U.S.

What they did was simple, and brilliant – and it could be done with your child, whether or not he underperforms currently, whether or not he is a minority.

They had half the students respond to a question asking them what their most important value was, and write a brief paragraph explaining why it was important. In the second group – a control group – they had students write about their least important value.

At the end of the school year, they compared the kids. The ones who had – just once in the year, remember – taken the time to consider and think about, and write about, their most important value did better than the other students. The researchers later repeated the experiment, with the same results.

What happened? The students had written about qualities that were important to them. This enhanced their self-worth, even in the face of negative racial stereotypes. It created a “buffer against negative expectations and their consequences,” says the author of Choke, Sean Beilock.

Students who thought about their own good qualities, the things they value, did better at school because they reminded themselves that they could.

It seems that writing is key here. The kids have to take five minutes or so and write down their thoughts about their most important value. And not only did they perform better on that one test, in that one semester, but the research suggests there has been a life-long benefit for many of them.

If your kid says “I can’t do it,” help him remember that in fact, he can.

And by the way, just this afternoon I tried it before I got on the tennis court… 6-2, thank you very much!

I read an article in which the author says, basically, most praise is bad.

It stayed with me, because:

1) I know that as a parent I probably do praise too much; and

2) he’s probably right; and

3) I’m not going to stop praising my son.

Alfie Kohn is a renowned education expert and he’s looked at a lot of research. I believe that he knows what he’s talking about.

I also believe that I disagree with him.

But you may not. Or, like me, you may choose to take some of what he says and discard the rest and that’s OK too.

Here’s why he says praising isn’t a good idea

Every time we say, “Good job!” to a child we’re just getting them to comply to our wishes—when we’re around. It does nothing to motivate them to positive behaviour when we’re not there to say “good job.”

We’re creating “praise junkies.” Kids who are told they’re doing a “good job” every time they clap or eat neatly will grow into adults who need constant external validation.

We steal their pleasure. By saying “good job,” we’re telling the child how to feel about their accomplishment; it’s just as much an evaluation as “bad job!” he says.

Diminishing their interest. Studies show that kids who are frequently praised ultimately end up feeling less like doing the thing they were praised for.

Undermining achievement. Praised kids become less likely to take risks once they start focusing on how to keep the positive comments coming, than on the task at hand.

He says that based on this evidence, it’s clear that most parents praise more because “they want to say it than because children need to hear it.”

I’d like to suggest a compromise

Have you ever intellectually understood something while at the same time your gut is saying, “this just ain’t right for me.” That’s how I’m feeling about all of this.

Yes, I can see how empty words—of any kind, and not just praise—become like background noise to a child. Empty calories the child begins to crave without getting any nutritional benefit.

But I’m suggesting a compromise (praising, but doing it thoughtfully), and here are my reasons:

1) It feels unnatural to me, to hold back praise when I’m really stoked about something my kid has done. As I’ve learned time and again, when I’m parenting “according to a book,” it backfires. Onto my kid, usually.

2) How many times during our childhoods (yours, mine) did we do something we thought was great, only to have our accomplishment completely ignored. Did that take the wind out of our sails? You bet it did. How I would have loved to have even a casually tossed off, “good job!” then. At least it would have shown that someone was watching.

3) Alfie Kohn is making the assumption that if we don’t praise we will instead have a thoughtful, intensive discussion with our child about his accomplishment—that we’ll be able to take the time we’ve saved by not praising and use it for quality parenting. Well maybe, but we might also just miss the opportunity altogether and, say, fold the laundry.

4) Intent is really what’s being looked at, here. (And Kohn acknowledges this in his essay.) If you’re genuinely thrilled by what your child has done and you blurt out, “good job!” I don’t think the child is going to get a mixed message. But if you’re just going through the motions, tossing out, “good job”s like so many shillings to urchins then your kid is going to wonder why what he’s hearing isn’t making him feel better.

I’m going to think more about this. It’s obviously an Achilles heel of mine or I wouldn’t be so bothered about it. Or confused. In the meantime, Kohn says there are things we should do to replace praising so much.

1) Say nothing.

2) Say what you saw (“You drew some mountains!”)

3) Talk less, ask more.

Do check out his essay for more insight. And while you’re at it, check out his other interesting thoughts on parenting and education on his website. And then, because I can’t get the song out of my head, why not check out the movie Alfie.

(Resisting, resisting, resisting the temptation to end this post with, “Good job, Alfie!”)

What does work.

Reading to your kid every day. The number-one thing you can do to create a reader.

Letting him see you read. Kids do what their parents do. If you don’t enjoy reading – fake it. Or read magazines or comic books or something.

Surrounding your kid with books. Access to books gives a kid ownership and once they feel entitled to books they’re more likely to casually pick them up – now and throughout their life.

Reading extensions. I’m referring to other media that are associated with certain books - movies, a TV series, cartoons, merchandise – that may interest the child in a book. Who cares what hooks the child into reading? As long as he eventually reads the book, it’s all useful.

Letting your kid choose what he reads. Many schools now go by the maxim that “any reading is good reading” and, barring violence or inappropriate content, I agree. If you don’t like his choices, then find something similar that you do approve of. For instance, if he’s reading Superman comics, find him novels with superheroes.

Treating books like treasures. Books contain: secrets, surprises, gems, rewards, new friends, adventures, useful facts, gross stuff, silliness and lots of other things your kid values. Let your kid see that a book is something precious and exciting and cool.

Turning off the TV. Much as I hate being the bad cop, you’ve gotta, gotta limit screen-time. Create space for reading time. Here’s a GKR article about the reading bubble.

Sharing books with friends. The next time your child’s friend is over, casually mention that your kid is reading “…..” book, and ask what they’re reading. Before you know it, the two will be having a conversation about books. And that will reinforce what you’re trying to do in a way that only peers can.

Letting girls be girls and boys be boys. Your boy may want to walk around while he reads. Boys need to move, especially when they’re thinking. Your daughter may want to read stuff about dogs and love and celebrities. Girls often gravitate towards books with detailed relationships. (Advice: get your boy an exercise ball to sit on instead of a chair; get your girl a book with an empowered heroine who has sophisticated relationships.)

Never giving up. Don’t stop trying to get your kid to read. It’s so important. So, so important. If one thing doesn’t work, try something else. One day it will click and your kid will be a reader. And spend the rest of his or her life thanking you.

Brains – especially young brains – benefit from exercise.

Here’s an exercise that Bernadette Tynen (the brain researcher) does with her students. She says that if you do it with your child once a week, it will help to make his thinking more flexible and creative.

She gives the child an object. It could be a stuffed animal, like a snake or a gorilla, or it could be a hat or a scarf – any kind of object. Then she asks the child to tell her what could be done with the object.

At first, the child may say, “you can sit on it,” or “you can put it on your head,” and his thinking may stall there.

You can prompt him by saying, “what else could it be used for?” and he may start to come up with less conventional uses: “You could wear it as a bracelet,” or “you could use it as a frying pan,” or “it could be a garden decoration.”

In Tynen’s documentaries (“Make Your Child Brilliant”), it’s astounding to see how quickly children change their thinking from the usual, normal ways of looking at an object, to finding truly creative and out-of-the-box ideas for things.

We know that brain-training exercises like this help the young brain become more agile, which helps with future learning. Plus, it’s fun!

I tried this with my son – I gave him my glasses case. Within a few seconds it became a hat, something you could balance or float, a toy… I was laughing my head off at the crazy and wonderful things he came up with. Playing with your kid like that is better than TV, I tell ya.

Life imitates blog.

Having recently reminded myself what boys like (in terms of their reading material), I’ve been on the lookout for something to encourage my son to read during these busy summer days.

This afternoon, I found it. The Toronto Star newspaper ran a great story on what Toronto was like in the pioneer days.

The article had everything boys like:
1) Short info-bites
2) Pictures corresponding to each info-bite.
3) It was about history.
4) It was factual.
5) Gross stuff – “Diapering: Women used moss, which could be discarded, tucked inside a swaddling cloth.”
6) Violence (sort of) – and this was my son’s favourite part – “Cooking: Women tested the temperature of the oven by rolling up a sleeve, inserting an arm all the way in and counting. If they had to withdraw their arm by the count of 10, the oven was the right temperature…”
7) Physicality. I put the paper on the floor, and he read it there. Plus, he got to wrestle the cat, who was trying to lie on the paper.

After he read the article, we talked a bit about it. And then I tossed the comics page down to him to encourage him to keep reading (which he did). And then he even did the Word Search.

Hurray!

You can do this, too. Keep your child’s preferences in mind, and when an opportunity presents itself, toss him some reading material. For boys, think: car manual; a videogame user’s guide; a map; the sports section… it’s all reading.

I’m going to be doing girls’ preferences, in upcoming posts. I’ve done some in the past, but I’m going to do more. If you have any comments about boys’ or girls’ reading preferences, please post a comment. Thanks!

How’s your summer going?

Make your child brilliant.

As kids learn to read it becomes, quite literally, easier for them.

Your attitude shapes your kids’ attitudes.

Researchers recorded years’ worth of everyday interactions across a wide range of families. They discovered three main factors that predict whether a child will be a successful reader.

1) Parents’ attitudes about reading
Even in communities without bookstores or libraries, if the parents showed children in many different ways that reading is essential, the kids were more successful. The parents also read to their children daily.

2) Having books around
The kids who had an ever-present supply of books were more likely to succeed at reading. This finding is also supported in the book, “Freakonomics.”

3) Affirmation
Parents and caregivers who regularly supported their kids through positive statements like, “I’m glad to see you reading,” or “What a great book!” helped ensure that their children would be successful readers.

Children succeed when you expect them to succeed. Foster a reading culture in your home, and keep your attitude about reading upbeat, and they’ll want to read because it’ll be fun.

Source: This research study was cited in the booklet, “Raising Kids Who Read,” by Carolyn Munson-Benson, funded by the National Literacy Secretariat, Social Development Canada and YMCA Canada. I wish I had more specifics about this particular research study. I can tell you that these findings are reflected in much of the literature I’ve read about creating successful readers.